


We're In Different Places With The Same Dream

by maelstromdeparture



Series: On The Waves [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Surfers, Angst, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Brothers, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Friendship, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I should really sleep, I think?, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Relationship(s), Someone gets punched, Surfer Chan, Surfer Felix, That's it, like there's gonna be a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24494278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maelstromdeparture/pseuds/maelstromdeparture
Summary: Chan doesn't have a good history with love. His one relationship left him brokenhearted and unsure he even knew what love was. For years he believed his only love would be the sea after that and was content to have that happiness. By the time Felix's friends from Seoul come to visit Chan's friends have taught him what love is supposed to be again and Felix's pretty friend with the sad eyes makes Chan wonder about the possibilities if he let himself believe in love again.This is I'll Find My Dreams, Buy My Ticket from Chan's point of view and a little bit of Chan's past too!
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: On The Waves [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766059
Comments: 12
Kudos: 63





	1. Chan Considers Love and Past Relationships and Rediscovers Love and Friendship Along the Way

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't really edit this and definitely wrote it sleep deprived and running on five shots of espresso so like i might be dying but that's not exactly unusual 
> 
> warnings!!!!!!   
> depictions of emotional abuse and manipulation  
> toxic relationships  
> physical abuse(he gets punched once and that's the end of it it's very minimal and not graphic because i'm not good at depicting violence and don't like hurting my characters) 
> 
> the psychological healing that's depicted in this fic is in no way meant to be realistic please take it with a grain of salt it is not the real world i know next to nothing about doctor stuff of any kind thx! :))))
> 
> warnings and stuff out of the way i'm sorry for how unedited this is please enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is now edited!!! :)))) 
> 
> also for anyone who wished me better sleep thank you! and lots of love <3 i'm still dealing with my insomnia but i have had more sleep this past week than i've been getting :D

Chan’s first love was his next door neighbor when he was six. At least that’s what his mom claims. Chan doesn’t think six year olds can really have crushes. He doesn’t even remember his neighbor. But then love’s always been a little funny and maybe Chan doesn’t really know. His mom loves his dad so maybe she does know, but then she’d been wrong about Chan crushing on people through high school too so maybe she doesn’t.

Chan’s best friend moved to Sydney in fourth grade and BamBam knew Chan better than Chan’s mom did. BamBam had done everything with Chan. They’d had classes together, first dates, parties, alcohol, made bad decisions and taken their rebellious phases together. BamBam had laughed when Chan explained that he hadn’t ever loved someone like that. BamBam had laughed and then told Chan that it just wasn’t true. Chan just had never loved a person.

BamBam whole heartedly believed Chan’s first love was the sea and BamBam was right. Chan had grown up on the waves, had spent every free minute of his time in the water. He had refused to move with his family when they left Australia, deciding he was staying for school because he refused to lose the ocean. The ocean had been the only constant in his life. If the ocean was the only thing he ever loved Chan would be happy.

Chan and BamBam had roomed together the first year of university, but not the second. The second year BamBam roomed with his friend Yugyeom, an international student from Korea which meant Chan was on his own. He had decided he was going to move into his uncle’s old beach house instead of rooming on campus alone. The place was a little rundown and needed some new paint and a little work, but it was livable and right on the beach. Chan had taken a job lifeguarding that fall. And then he’d met a boy. BamBam had taken him to a party that his friends were at and Chan had found himself wandering aimlessly through the house, buzzed but knowing that BamBam wouldn’t be able to give him a ride home so Chan hadn’t drank anymore. He loved BamBam but they’d grown apart since starting school. BamBam had found a new group of guys that he was closer to than he ever had been with Chan, and while Chan knew that they were still friends, he couldn’t help but feel alone. So, he’d been wandering aimlessly after he had lost BamBam in the party and he’d stepped out onto the back porch. There was a boy sitting on the steps, tall and with messy blonde hair. He looked up at Chan and smiled at him, his blue eyes shadowed darkly in the dim porch light, but Chan had been sure he could see the constellations reflected in them.

“Hey, mate, looking for someone?” he had asked.

“An escape,” said Chan shrugging, “mind if I join you?”

“Not at all, take a seat,” he had said and scooted over and Chan had sat down.

“I’ve never seen you around,” said the boy.

“I’d rather get drunk or high with my friends, not at a giant party,” said Chan shaking his head, “but BamBam’s friends were at the party and he wanted to come and here I am.” The boy laughed.

“Got ditched then, huh? That sucks,” said the boy nodding, “I live here so I can’t escape it. My roommate loves these things, I think they’re all right but it’s better to be out here than in there some nights.”

“It’s crowded and it’s hot,” agreed Chan nodding.

“I’m Marcus,” said the boy offering a hand to shake, “you from around here?”

“Sydney born and raised,” said Chan nodding, “Chan Bang.”

“Your name’s Chan?” He asked cocking his head.

“Oh, yeah,” said Chan nodding, “though most of my elementary school teachers used Christopher, dad and mom did too until they moved back to Korea. But my friends have always called me Chan.”

“I like Christopher,” said Marcus smiling, “it’s a good name. Suits you. Can I call you Chris?” Chan would probably be thrilled to have Marcus calling him anything so he nodded and smiled at him.

“What are you studying then, Chris?” asked Marcus.

“Music production,” said Chan hoping that Marcus didn’t decide to tell him how it was a terrible path for his life and he should pick something with more job security.

“Cool,” said Marcus, “sounds fun. You’re a musician then?”

“Yes,” said Chan nodding, “what about you?”

“Pre-med,” said Marcus, “I’m planning to be a surgeon. Mom and dad are thrilled.” Chan laughed.

“My parents weren’t exactly thrilled but they kind of knew it was coming,” said Chan shrugging. “They weren’t exactly surprised.” Marcus laughed.

“You must really love music,” said Marcus and Chan nodded.

“Yeah, at one point I wanted to move to Korea and try to be an idol. Uh, do you know what KPOP is?” asked Chan. Marcus shook his head.

“I mean I know Gangam Style but that doesn’t really count, right?” Chan laughed and shook his head.

“I mean it is KPOP, but yeah that’s not really what I meant,” said Chan nodding, “it doesn’t matter. I’d have had to leave the ocean behind and it wasn’t worth it. I have to have a beach.”

“I get you,” agreed Marcus nodding, “to be somewhere without the ocean would be like unsalted French fries.” Chan laughed and wasn’t sure if it was that Marcus was funny, that Marcus was cute, or that Chan was still slightly buzzed from alcohol.

“You’re cute, you know?” asked Marcus smiling at him, “your curls are cute and your cheeks are pink, is that cause you’ve been drinking?”

“Oh probably,” said Chan shrugging. “You’re not, you’re beautiful, you look like a photograph.” Marcus laughed.

“Thanks,” he said, “are you single, pretty boy?” Chan could feel his ears flushing.

“Yeah,” he said nodding, “I’m single.”

“Lucky me, so am I,” said Marcus, “here give me your phone and I’ll add my number.” Chan dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Marcus. Marcus put his number in and saved the contact before giving it back. Chan wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or if it was love or what but his entire body was tingling and his heart beat faster than it should have.

Dating Marcus was easy. Chan loved dating Marcus. They went out for two months before Marcus met BamBam and the meeting hadn’t gone great. Chan couldn’t understand why or what the problem was but neither of them liked the other. Marcus had asked over and over why Chan was friends with people like BamBam and Chan hadn’t understood why Marcus didn’t like him. BamBam had told Chan to be careful and that he’d always have a place at his and Yugyeom’s if he needed someone, which had somehow made less sense than Marcus not liking BamBam. A year went by and dating Marcus was still easy, and it was easy to keep him happy. He liked kissing Chan and running his hands through Chan’s hair. He didn’t like earrings so Chan stopped wearing his. He liked it when Chan wore hoodies so Chan wore Marcus’s hoodies even when it was probably too hot to wear hoodies. Marcus didn’t like it when Chan wore tank tops, he didn’t like skateboarding, and he didn’t like when Chan forgot to call him because he was working on music. Chan saw BamBam less and less and he missed his friend, but Marcus hated BamBam and all of Chan’s free time was spent with Marcus anymore. Marcus moved in with him after a year and Chan was ecstatic. He didn’t mind that Marcus took over the house, that Marcus’s friends were over all the time and Chan’s weren’t, he didn’t mind that Marcus hated having the windows open and painted the walls gray. He put all his old pictures in his dresser drawer and thought everything was fine. He loved Marcus and Marcus loved him. They were happy. Chan didn’t know what happened but by the time he was in his last semester of school Marcus yelled more than he used to. He constantly asked where Chan was and if he was eating healthy because he didn’t want Chan gaining weight and who Chan was talking too because he was worried about Chan’s friends hurting him. Chan wasn’t sure when it had stopped being easy. He wasn’t sure where he had lost his way but he was sure they could fix it. It was six months of Chan trying to fix it with Marcus only getting worse before Chan decided they had to talk because he wasn’t sure love was supposed to feel like this. Love wasn’t supposed to be scary. Love wasn’t yelling. Chan’s parents’ friends’ son was coming to school in a month and Chan had offered for Jeongin to live with them. Marcus had thrown a fit and screamed and stormed out. Chan didn’t hear from him for days. When he did, Marcus had apologized and insisted that he would change, had insisted that it was fine and had told Chan he wasn’t living with some kid so Marcus would move in with his buddy and they could work it out for a year, that maybe some distance would be good.

Jeongin moved in and was like a breath of fresh air. He was cheerful and adorable and had been appalled at Chan’s eating and sleeping habits and Chan realized how bad his eating habits had gotten. Jeongin was like having a little brother, like having a best friend again and Chan was hit with how much he missed BamBam. Chan’s uncle had given him his old surf shack and Jeongin had cheerfully taken a job helping Chan. Marcus started coming around more often and Chan was happy. He was acting sweet again and Chan thought maybe this time it was going to work out, Marcus was who he’d fallen in love with again.

Jeongin hated him. Jeongin really hated him, had refused to leave Chan alone with Marcus and had made a point of glaring at the man every time he was around and refused to speak in English around Marcus. But dating Marcus was easy again, though he still always wanted to know where Chan was. Jeongin moved back to Seoul for the summer and Marcus decided to move back in for the month that Jeongin was living with his parents. Chan hadn’t noticed how bad it had gotten until he realized that all of the little touches to his house that he and Jeongin had made were gone and that he was losing weight again and that the feeling of fear that made Chan want to spend all his nights in the studio was back. Jeongin wasn’t going to be back for another week and Chan needed to get this sorted before Jeongin got back. So, he sat up until Marcus came home from his late night class, wearing a tank top because it was too warm that night to wear a hoodie.

“Hey, babe,” greeted Marcus smiling at Chan and then grimacing at the sight of the tank top. 

“Hi,” said Chan tilting his head for a kiss. Marcus kissed him and sat down.

“Did you work today?” asked Marcus, “the shop is closed, yeah?”

“Yeah, I didn’t work,” said Chan nodding, “how was class?”

“Boring,” said Marcus, “you’re lucky you don’t have hard classes.” Chan nodded used to the words by now, but couldn’t help but think that maybe they weren’t as okay as he’d convinced himself they were.

“Can we talk?” asked Chan.

“We’re talking now,” said Marcus, it wasn’t as funny as it should have been, probably because Chan didn’t think Marcus was joking.

“No, like can we have a serious conversation?” asked Chan.

“Sure, babe,” said Marcus nodding, “what’s up? Is your little friend skipping out on you? I told you it would happen.”

“Jeonginnie’s coming back,” said Chan quietly. Hoping that Marcus was wrong, hoping Jeongin would come back, Chan really needed someone that wasn’t Marcus in his life.

“Of course, he is, pretty boy,” said Marcus sounding patronizing, like he was placating Chan. “What’s up?”

“I can’t live like this,” said Chan shaking his head, “you’re controlling my life. I’m an adult, Marcus, I get to make my own decisions.”

“What are you talking about, babe? I love you,” said Marcus shaking his head, “I’m the only person that has ever loved you.” The words felt like bullets and Chan felt like he was drowning. Marcus was right. He was the only person that had ever loved him.

No. No he wasn’t right. Jeongin loved Chan. BamBam had at one point, maybe not now but Chan had Jeongin. Jeongin loved him. The thought was like a life vest in a storm and Chan clung to it to keep his head above the waves.

“No,” he said. It was barely a whisper. Marcus sat up straight and looked at him. Glared at him. 

“What did you say,” he demanded.

“No,” said Chan. “You’re not the only person that has ever loved me.” Marcus laughed and stood up.

“Who? You’re little pet fox? He doesn’t love you. He’s using you for a room,” said Marcus cruelly, “your Thai friend? He spent the entire time knowing you running away. He abandoned you the moment someone better came along. You’re lucky to have me. You’re lucky I love you.”

“No,” said Chan standing up. He was almost six inches shorter than Marcus, it used to be nice. It used to make him feel safe. It didn’t now. It was terrifying as Marcus glared down at him.

“Don’t tell me no. You don’t tell me no,” snapped Marcus. Chan wanted to cower back and apologize.

“No,” he said more firmly. He wasn’t going to live like this anymore. “NO, you’re wrong. Jeongin does love me. BamBam didn’t abandon me. And. And. And you don’t love me.” The words rang true in Chan’s head and left him reeling and a moment later he was crumpled sideways on the floor and his head was ringing and pain bloomed across his face. Marcus looked stricken as he looked down at him fist still raised.

“You hit me,” whispered Chan hand coming up to the side of his face where Marcus had punched him.

“Oh my god,” whispered Marcus looking at his fist horrified. “Oh my god, Chris, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wouldn’t ever hit you.”

“You did though,” said Chan pushing himself to his feet. “Get out of my house, Marcus.”

“Chris,” said Marcus.

“Get out of my house or I will call the cops,” said Chan pointing at the door.

“Chris, please, baby, Chris,” said Marcus.

“My name is Chan,” snapped Chan, “you took that from me too. You’ve done enough damage. Get the fuck out of my house!” Marcus grabbed his bag and walked out. Chan sat down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have anyone who would help him. Jeongin was in Seoul, BamBam hadn’t been in Chan’s life in almost two years. He needed to not be alone. So, Chan took his keys and stepped out onto the beach and took a walk, letting the waves crash against his legs, no destination in mind just where his feet carried him. If he didn’t have anyone he could go to he had the ocean, it would never turn him away. It was dark out and the wind was cold in just the tank top, but Chan sort of never wanted to wear another hoodie.

“Hey, mate, you okay?” called a voice and Chan didn’t respond figuring whoever it was wasn’t talking to him. He didn’t know anyone that would call to him like that. Footsteps sounded against the wet sand by the shore and then splashing in the water behind him.

“Hey, are you okay?” asked a voice, “it’s pretty dark and you really shouldn’t be out here alone.” Chan turned to look and the boy behind him gasped.

“Channie?” he asked, “oh my god, Channie, what happened.”

“BamBam?” asked Chan surprised letting BamBam grab his head and tilt it.

“Holy shit, Chan, what happened to your face? You need to ice that, come on, we’re right by my place,” said BamBam grabbing Chan’s hand and tugging him up the beach.

“What? BamBam, no I’m okay,” said Chan shaking his head trying to pull away weakly. The last thing he wanted was to be trouble for BamBam, “you don’t need to bother.”

“You are not a bother Chan Christopher Bang,” said BamBam and Chan couldn’t help the flinch at his full name.

“Don’t call me that,” he interrupted.

“Huh? Don’t call you what?” asked BamBam still pulling Chan towards a beach house where another boy was sitting on the back porch watching them.

“Chris, don’t call me Christopher,” muttered Chan. BamBam paused looking at him.

“Channie, what happened?” he asked quietly.

“Marcus hit me and I threw him out,” said Chan, “I guess you were right not to like him.”

“Oh, Chan,” said BamBam quietly and then pulling him into a tight hug. “Why didn’t you call me? You shouldn’t have had to deal with that alone.”

“Didn’t think you’d want to talk to me,” said Chan shaking his head.

“What? Why not? I love you, you’re my best friend,” said BamBam shocked, “of course I want to talk to you.” The words ripped through Chan and he couldn’t stop from crying this time. BamBam hugged him tighter and managed to walk him into the house.

“Chan?” asked Yugyeom who had been sitting on the porch, “Chan, are you okay? _What happened?_ ”

“Marcus happened,” said BamBam, “call Jackson-hyung and tell him he was right about Marcus.”

“Oh my god,” said Yugyeom quietly. “Okay. Okay, what else? Channie, do you want tea? I’ll make tea.”

“Get me ice too,” said BamBam, “I’m taking him to the bathroom.”

“Okay,” called Yugyeom. BamBam got Chan to the bathroom and sitting on the edge of the tub and was carefully looking over his face again.

“Looks like it’s just a bruise, you’re going to have a hell of a black eye though,” said BamBam. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Don’t,” said Chan shaking his head, “if I hadn’t listened to him it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. I should have listened to you. I should have figured it out when Innie wouldn’t leave me alone with him.”

“It is not your fault,” said BamBam firmly, voice even not wanting to yell at Chan though it had been a struggle not to get louder. “It is not your fault, Chan, don’t let him convince you it was. He should never have hit you. There’s a lot of things that should never have happened and none of them are your fault.” Chan rubbed at his face trying to stop crying.

“Sorry, I’m a mess,” said Chan.

“You have a right to be a mess right now,” said Yugyeom handing BamBam ice. “Do you want to press charges?”

“No,” said Chan, “only if he doesn’t leave me alone.”

“You’re staying a few nights with us,” said BamBam determined. “And we’re doing everything that he didn’t like.”

“Like dying my hair?” asked Chan sniffling slightly. He must look pitiful sitting on the edge of their bath tub, bruised, crying, and shaking from the breeze and the cold ocean water.

“Everything,” said BamBam nodding.

“He wouldn’t let you dye your hair? How controlling was he?” asked Yugyeom quietly, looking surprised.

“Very. I didn’t realize. I mean not until Innie moved in and then again when Innie moved out,” said Chan, “that’s what happened tonight. I told him I wanted things to change. He didn’t take it well. I wasn’t really expecting him to, I was expecting a fight, but I didn’t think he’d hit me. I don’t think he meant to either he looked pretty horrified. I just…next thing I knew I was on the ground.”

“That’s not okay,” said BamBam, “I wish you’d asked us for help. Don’t let him back in no matter how much he apologizes, it’ll just get worse.”

“I know,” said Chan quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I could ask for help. He. He had me pretty convinced I was annoying and he was the only person that loved me. That’s what did it actually. He um, was trying to tell me Innie hated me too and I knew that wasn’t true and things spiraled.”

“He’s wrong,” said Yugyeom determinedly, “he’s very very wrong. More wrong than you can imagine, Chan. People adore you. We love you, people that barely know you love you, Innie loves you to the moon and back. He adores you. He follows you around like a puppy. His friends Felix and Seungmin too. They love you too. You should hear how the three of them talk about you, they act like you hung the stars, Chan. They’d do anything if it meant you were happy.” Chan laughed it sounded harsh and wet with tears, but it felt good to laugh. Maybe things would be okay.

Chan’s eye was black and the side of his face was still a mess of blacks and purples when Jeongin flew back from Seoul. Jeongin saw it and promptly lost his shit. There was a lot of yelling and crying involved and Jeongin called Seungmin and Felix who immediately came over from their house, saw Chan’s face, demanded to know if that’s why SKZ had been closed all week, and then declared that Chan’s break up called for a celebration. Which meant they drug him to get coffee at Around the World Coffee and then food from Ateez Chip Shack and Chan learned that he had more people that cared about him than he had thought. Every one of the employees at both places demanded to know what happened and told him to call them if he needed anyone and insisted to be added to the list of people Chan was to call if Marcus tried to see him again. Chan wasn’t sure what love felt like anymore but he thought this might be it.

“Okay, so, do you have pictures or anything to burn? We should have a bonfire,” said Felix clapping his hands together. Chan hesitated.

“I have pictures,” he said nodding, “and his surf board and at least three hoodies I don’t want anything to do with.”

“We shouldn’t burn the board,” said Felix immediately shaking his head, always the most eco conscious one of the group, “unless it’s completely wood it’s bad for the environment if we burn it, but we should definitely run it over in my Jeep.” Chan laughed and nodded.

“Alright,” he agreed.

“What else? This is a celebration,” said Jeongin, “alcohol?”

“Chan-hyung doesn’t really seem like the kind of guy down with alcohol, Innie,” said Seungmin hesitantly. Chan snorted.

“You would be very wrong,” he said shaking his head, “I just don’t like alcohol on my own or at a party, friends is a different story. BamBam would give us weed if you want.”

“Wait, really?” asked Felix surprised. Jeongin snickered.

“Hyung is the reason I pierced my ears last year,” said Jeongin, “he pierced them for me. _My mom cried by the way._ ” Chan chuckled and shook his head.

“ _It’s not that bad. It’s not like they can’t heal over and it’s not like I convinced you to get a tattoo sleeve or something,_ ” said Chan shaking his head.

“ _Your Korean’s so cute, hyung,_ ” said Seungmin brightly, “ _your accent isn’t as strong as Lixie’s but you still say things so cutely!_ ” Chan laughed and could feel his ears flushing at Seungmin’s words. There had been a time when his Korean was hardly accented at all. It made sense though that it had changed. He hadn’t spoken Korean much since dating Marcus, he hadn’t had much of an opportunity to and Marcus had thought it was weird.

“What else are we doing though?” asked Felix, “I mean besides the kind of stuff my parents told me to stay away from.”

“I want to bleach my hair,” said Chan.

“Oh?” asked Seungmin surprised, “but you’ve been adamant about leaving it natural.”

“No, Marcus liked it natural,” said Chan shaking his head, “I want to bleach it and dye it pink.”

“Let’s do it,” said Felix excitedly, “I want to dye mine too!”

“Hair dye, anything else?” asked Seungmin.

“I need to repierce my ears and I want cartilage piercings,” said Chan nodding.

“ _Is this a quest to reclaim everything he didn’t like?_ ” asked Jeongin. Chan hesitated and then nodded.

“ _I kind of let him run my life,_ ” he said, “ _I lost a lot of who I am and I need to find it again. This seems like a good place to start._ ”

“ _We should fix the house too,_ ” said Jeongin, “ _I know you hate those walls._ ”

“ _Yeah,_ ” agreed Chan nodding, “ _we’ll paint them and we can spray paint our names on our rooms and we can have clutter everywhere. I want pictures and plushies and a million other things too. I want to feel like I live there again._ ”

“You know what else you should claim again, mate?” asked Felix.

“Hmm?”

“ _Surfing. It’s been ages since I’ve seen you on the water, hyung. I used to see you every morning and I hardly see you at all now. Come surf with me tomorrow?_ ” Chan hadn’t even realized how long it had been since he’d been on the water. Felix was right. He could start with what he’d listed already but getting the ocean back was the most important part of that list. If he could get the ocean back, he would find himself along the way. The waves had always been a safe place, a home more than anywhere else ever had been, it was time to take it back. Chan was going to make the decision to be happy and free again. Nothing would stop him. He was learning to love again and it would start with the ocean and the boys at his side. He had no illusions of it being easy, but it was worth it. Even the ocean had its storms and Chan was ready to fight for peaceful water once more.


	2. Chan Starts to Love Minho, Felix Cries and Asks Hard Life Questions, and No Matter What There Will Always Be the Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think i have notes or warnings for this???  
> mostly i'm just sleep deprived and this is still unedited and i'm sorry i'm inflicting my sleep deprived writing on you but here we are 
> 
> assume that everyone is speaking Korean in this chapter unlike the last chapter where it's mostly English 
> 
> i should probably try to be more consistent about that but i'm still running purely on coffee at the moment so my brain function is not great right now.
> 
> ***this chapter is now edited!!!! yay!! :D

Chan knew he was healing when he started wearing hoodies again. He knew that Jeongin and Felix and Seungmin were healing with him, because they had slowly stopped making sure that they were plastered to Chan’s side if someone was flirting with him. He knew he was healing because his house was full of the ocean air and he felt light and happy. He knew he was okay because his music had stopped focusing on the past, on the ways he was broken. It had taken work and time and Chan had even seen a therapist a couple times to get help with the self worth problems that Marcus had put into his head. But years had passed and he was happy and free. Marcus hadn’t tried to contact Chan again and Chan doubted it was because of what he had said, rather he figured BamBam and Jackson had cornered him and convinced him to leave Chan alone, but Chan didn’t ask and didn’t want to know. Jeongin had become a permanent part of Chan’s life and Chan was beyond happy about it. They’d added others to their friend group since but none of them had managed to click like Seungmin and Felix had. Seungmin, Felix, and Jeongin had been Chan’s support system when he needed them most and he’d returned the favor a hundred times over, refusing to let them flounder if he could help. They’d taught him what love was supposed to be again. They’d taught him that love was the ocean breeze on early mornings and Felix’s laughter as Chan swallowed salt water after wiping out. That it was Seungmin sitting on Chan’s desk asking him to edit his new poetry and bringing him coffee. It was Jeongin crawling into bed with him when Chan woke up screaming or vice versa. It was Felix dragging Chan to the aquarium to see the baby whale that had just been brought in. It was Seungmin cranking the radio up in Felix’s Jeep just to listen to Chan scream along to the lyrics. It was Jeongin complaining and whining about hugs and cuddles but never running away from them when it was Chan. It was the way they teased him and harassed him and always came to him when they needed help or advice and never once acted like he was fragile or needed protecting any more than they did. Chan had asked Jeongin once why they were being so protective at the very start and Jeongin had laughed and told him that they weren’t. That they weren’t protecting Chan, they were protecting each other and expected him to be just the same. They’d taught Chan that love was Jeongin and Felix both begging Chan to teach them to be better surfers. Felix truly didn’t need Chan’s help, and Chan certainly hadn’t taught him anything but whenever asked Felix would say without hesitation that it was Chan that had taught him. Chan couldn’t help but wonder what it was Felix thought Chan had really taught him, Felix had been a better surfer than Chan from the beginning.

Three years later Chan was happy and healthy and knew he was loved and that he could love others. And three years later Felix and Seungmin go to pick up Felix’s friend from online at the airport and tell Chan and Jeongin that they’ll be at the bonfire that night. Chan sends Jeongin over with them since he’s promised to help BamBam hand out the boards to the people that were having sacrifices on the beach that night so he’ll be one of the last people to meet Felix’s Jisungie and Jisung’s friend. He wonders if since they’re finally both in the same place Felix and Jisung will consider being more than friends. He’s known Felix long enough at this point to know Felix has had a crush on the other boy for years. Long enough to know that Felix had practiced and practiced and practiced his Korean so Jisung didn’t have to be the only one learning a foreign language to talk to the other. Chan hoped Felix had fun with his friend and that Jisung was as awesome as Felix had always made him out to be.

“Ready?” asked BamBam brightly as they pulled up to the bonfire location.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun,” said Chan nodding and climbing out. They’re greeted by yelling and plenty of helping hands and Chan gets an introduction to the new boys. They both seem nice and Chan hopes he can figure out who is who later on because it’s far too dark to get any idea of what they look like. The torches are passed out and they have Chan make the speech. The flames lick up the board in beautiful curling patterns and Chan will never grow tired of this sort of thing. He follows the others to the pile of surf boards as they turn on the headlights from the cars and he sheds his shirt before grabbing his board. Jeongin has his hand wrapped around the wrist of a stunning boy that must be Lee Minho. Minho looks like a painting, like someone’s idea of the perfect person. He’s ethereal, like there’s some kind of magic about him, even in the harsh lights from the cars around them. Chan’s heart flutters slightly and that’s enough for him to know it’s time to get to the ocean. Better if he doesn’t let himself find out of Minho is as nice as he is pretty. There are plenty of pretty people that are assholes, normally if they’re as beautiful as Minho is they’re not very nice and Chan knows Minho’s a model. He hopes he’s a nice person, he probably is considering Felix and the others already like him, but it doesn’t matter either way he’s only here for the month and Chan’s not really a fling kind of person. Had tried right after Marcus, but only once because they’d both realized it was not a good idea and Chan hadn’t tried again. There was something about Minho though, something in his eyes that wasn’t as perfect as his face. His eyes were dark and beautiful, but they looked sad, like he was empty and missing something. Like he was drowning and no one had ever taught him how to swim.

Minho was nice and Chan had been right with that first assumption. Minho was drowning and his eyes were sad, even in the early mornings they were sad. Chan wondered what they would look like lit up with laughter. If he was lucky, he would get to find out. Chan liked Minho and knew he was attracted to the younger, but he also knew himself well enough to know it wasn’t love, that it wasn’t even really a crush. Felix told Chan that Minho liked him, that Minho liked him a lot and had asked about Chan and Chan hadn’t had an answer for him. He didn’t fall in love fast, he didn’t crush fast either, not since Marcus at least. Marcus had taught Chan’s heart to be cautious, that it wasn’t like swimming where he could just jump in, but that it was like learning to surf, that you should build up to it. Felix had just shaken his head and told Chan not to resist it if he did find himself falling. Chan had asked about Jisung and Felix had smiled and his cheeks tinted pink making his freckles stand out but he looked sad. They both knew they only had a month and didn’t want to hurt the other, but Felix was going to take every minute he could get with Jisung. Felix had been the one to suggest Chan surf with Minho in the mornings since he and Seungmin’s schedules were changing soon and Minho would be alone. Chan had agreed since he liked to surf in the morning anyway. The more time he spent with Minho the easier it was to like the other. He was sweet and caring and adored his friends and loved animals and looked at everything that Chan had to show him as if it was the best possible thing the world had to offer. Mornings on the ocean with Minho quickly became Chan’s favorite part of the day. It was peaceful and relaxing and the easiest place in the world to talk to the other, the ocean was an equalizer for Chan, always had been. It was a safe place and it made talking about anything and everything possible and Minho made talking about things easy too. By the end of the month Chan had gotten to see Minho change and flourish from being given the kind of freedom he hadn’t had the opportunity for before. Chan had watched Minho mend his own heartbreak and make the decision that he wouldn’t let someone else make all the choices for him any longer. He’d seen Minho laughing and soaked in the ocean with the pinks and yellows of the dawn painted across his face, he’d seen Minho sitting on Chan’s bathroom floor flush with alcohol laughing at something ridiculous Chan had said. He’d seen him run wild and free after the other boys up the beach and dance to the stereo in the kitchen and singing along to the lyrics in the back of Felix’s Jeep. It hadn’t been until he’d seen Minho soaked in the rain laughing as the two of them ran for cover from the ocean one morning that Chan had realized he’d slipped into love. Minho shaking his blue hair and pushing it out of his face and sitting on Chan’s porch with the rain in the background was an image Chan never wanted to lose.

“Stay right there,” said Chan and sprinted into the house. Minho had laughed and called after him but stayed on the porch. Chan had come back with Jeongin’s polaroid camera and towels for the two of them and snapped a picture before Minho could protest.

“Hyung,” complained Minho and Chan had just laughed.

“Nope, I get to treasure happy rain-soaked Minho forever now,” said Chan brightly as he set the camera aside and handed Minho one of the towels. Minho took it and draped it over his head, still dripping onto the porch.

“You’re ridiculous, hyung,” said Minho.

“Yep,” agreed Chan nodding, “I’m ridiculous but that’s okay. It’s going on the wall with the others.” Minho laughed.

“You’ll send me the pictures you’ve taken this summer, right?” asked Minho, “so I can have them for my apartment walls?”

“Absolutely,” agreed Chan, “I’ll print them this weekend. When do you go back?”

“Next week,” said Minho with a sigh. “I’m going to miss this.”

“You’ll have to come back,” said Chan nodding, already dreading saying goodbye.

“I will. I don’t think I’d be able to stay away if I tried,” said Minho smiling. “I’ve never had somewhere that felt like home before but I think this is it.” Chan nodded.

“I get that,” he said, “Innie and Minnie and Lixie taught me what home was again too.”

“Oh? You’re so sure of yourself though, hyung, and your place in the world,” said Minho. Chan hesitated and sat down, pulling one of his knees up to his chest.

“Yeah, but it took me three years to get back to that place,” said Chan. “I’m sure one of the others mentioned I don’t exactly have a great past with relationships?”

“Taehyung-hyung mentioned something about a bad break up,” said Minho shrugging, “I didn’t think much of it though, most people experience at least one break up that breaks their heart.”

“It was a little more than that,” said Chan nodding. Minho was looking at him and his eyes weren’t sad anymore and Chan realized that he was ready to talk about it with someone that didn’t know.

“I had one ex,” said Chan, “and it was pretty bad. He managed to isolate me pretty well and convince me he was the only person that could ever love me. If Jeongin-ah hadn’t moved in with me I’d probably have believed him the rest of my life. He did a lot of damage to my self worth and trust.”

“He was abusive?” asked Minho hesitantly clearly worried he was overstepping his boundaries.

“Yeah,” said Chan nodding, “I didn’t realize until too late. He only hit me the once, but once is enough. I threw him out of my house and told him if he came back I’d call the cops.”

“Good,” said Minho nodding, “that had to take a lot of strength. You’re like the strongest person I know.”

“You think so?” asked Chan, “it didn’t feel like strength. It felt like I was lost at sea. I’m really lucky I had Jeongin and Seungmin and Felix. I didn’t know I had them at the time but I did and BamBam and the others too. They’re really the only reason I know what love is now and that I’m not a mess still.”

“I’m pretty sure you had a hand in that too,” said Minho with a smile, “if you hadn’t wanted to heal you wouldn’t have. They just backed you up. Everyone needs support.” Chan laughed.

“You sound like my therapist,” he said nodding. “You’re right, but I still wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without them. I’m glad I’ve got them.”

“Me too,” said Minho quietly. “I’m glad you’re okay and I’m glad that I’ve got them too.”

“Hey, you’re part of our family for life now,” said Chan nodding, “you’re stuck with us.” Minho laughed.

“It’s like I’ve joined the mob,” he said.

“You may as well have,” said Chan grinning, “there’s no getting out of it now.” Minho’s laugh danced through the air, harmonizing with the rain in a song that Chan wanted to remember for the rest of his life. It sounded like home and paradise all in one and Chan realized that maybe he’d grown into an easy kind of love for Minho. It was going to hurt when he left but it was for the best. Minho’s life was in Seoul and Chan would never wish for anything but the best for Minho. He wanted to bottle this moment and keep it for when he was feeling lonely, keep it for the nights where he woke up crying, the memories of his ex haunting his dreams, because this was heaven and safety and everything love should be. It was enough to fuel a thousand and one good dreams and nights without nightmares to come and Chan hoped that he got to be friends with Minho for the rest of his life even if he never had a chance for anything more.

Minho and Jisung flying back to Seoul was rough on all of them, but especially on Felix. Seungmin and Jeongin had gone to the movies with Kai and Beomgyu and Felix had come over the night they left and sat on Chan’s couch and stared at the wall for a while. Chan hadn’t pushed him. He would talk when he was ready. But Chan was prepared for that moment when he was with the wind brushing across his hair and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore outside their window and Felix looking up at him from where he was sitting cross-legged on the couch, eyes rimmed in red but no tears shed yet.

“Hyung, why don’t the things that would make us happiest ever work out?” asked Felix quietly.

“Oh, Lix,” said Chan softly. He had been expecting this conversation to be hard but he hadn’t been ready to be hit with that.

“I don’t know,” said Chan moving over to sit on the coffee table so he was facing Felix. “I wish I had answers for you, but I don’t know.”

“I should be happy,” said Felix, “I have a job I love, I have surfing, I have friends and a place I can call home that I love more than anything. Why do I hurt so much? Why can’t I be happy? Why am I not happy? He’s happy in Seoul. I can’t ask him to leave that and I can’t ask him to consider me. We both know the distance wouldn’t work. We’re both clingy people we need to be near each other. Why can’t I be happy?” Felix was crying now and Chan brushed the tears away with his thumbs cradling Felix’s face in his hands.

“You love him,” said Chan quietly, “and it hurts because sometimes love hurts. It hurts when we can’t hold them and tell them and see them every morning. It hurts when it’s not everything we thought it would be or should be and it hurts to let it go. I don’t know why sometimes what would make us the happiest is just out of reach, I wish I could tell you. I wish I could fix it.”

“What am I supposed to do?” whispered Felix.

“Cry,” said Chan, “love him and eventually learn to let go.”

“But it hurts,” said Felix.

“I know. That’s why you cry and then you surf too,” said Chan nodding, “surfing helps.” Felix laughed wetly.

“You believe the ocean fixes everything, hyung,” said Felix and Chan smiled.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” he said, “it’s part of me and it’s part of you too. You wouldn’t surf the way you do if it wasn’t. So, when we hurt it’s a safety net and a hug and everything that makes the world right. When I feel lost again it’s the first thing I put back because I’m not me if I’m not in the water.” Felix wiped at his eyes again.

“Okay,” said Felix nodding, “okay. Surf with me, hyung? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course,” said Chan nodding and standing up, pulling Felix to his feet with him. “I’ll never leave you alone, Lix.” Felix hugged him tightly, burying his face into his shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said. “I love you, hyung. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” said Chan nodding.

“What about Minho?” asked Felix.

“I don’t love him,” said Chan, “not yet. Not like you love Jisung-ah. I could love Minho, but I don’t love him yet. I will someday, I’m heading that direction and I couldn’t stop it if I tried, but I don’t love him yet.” Felix nodded.

“You don’t fall in love quick do you, hyung?”

“No,” said Chan shaking his head, “not really.”

“That’s good,” said Felix, “it means more like that I think. I didn’t love Sungie either at first not until we’d known each other for years.” Chan laughed.

“You were kids,” he pointed out.

“So?” asked Felix shrugging. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s go surf.” Chan nodded and led Felix out to the back porch and grabbed the surfboards. They paddled out onto the sea and Chan couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain as he realized he wasn’t going to have any more early morning surf sessions with Minho. He was going to miss him and he couldn’t wait for when the two of them came back and everything would be right with the world again. But for now, he still had his family and he still had the ocean and everything else would fall into place as it was meant to be. As long as the ocean was there everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be at least one more chapter maybe two and hyunjin and changbin should be in the next chapter 
> 
> and at some point i will write a jisung and felix fic in this universe probably i have ideas i just haven't actually bothered to write anything down yet
> 
> i work at 6 am every day this week so i'm probably going to continue to inflict my sleep deprived writing on the world but that's okay (pls pray for my sanity)


	3. Chan Falls In Love with a Boy Too Far Away and Life Slowly Comes Together in the Best Ways Possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is unedited because i was excited it was done i'll probably go back through this in a few weeks and edit it
> 
> *** this chapter is now edited!!!! woohoo!! :)))

Chan’s mornings surfing with Felix slowly turned into Chan’s mornings surfing alone, moving from laughter and chatter to quiet peaceful mornings where Chan could think and enjoy the quiet and the water. Some days one of the others would join him but more often than not the others were busy. Chan’s morning routine altered slightly to include sending a text to Minho when he got back from the water, unwilling to let Minho slip away without trying to communicate. The problem with regular communication meant Chan missed him more and more every day and slid steadily closer to loving Minho as the days went on. As summer came to a close and classes started back up, Chan’s mornings permanently became his alone time with the ocean as classes and early mornings life guarding or at the aquarium took over the rest of their lives. Felix video called with Jisung more regularly than any of the rest of them did, but he hadn’t had another break down since the night they left. He seemed happy, or as close to happy as he had been before at least. Then the last week of August Minho called Chan one morning as he was just getting back from surfing, the sun still low to the ocean and the salt dripping from Chan’s skin in the morning air. 

“Minho-yah,” greeted Chan, “good morning. It’s early there has the sun even risen yet?” Minho laughed over the phone line and Chan felt warmer than the sun kissing his skin did as a result.

“Yes the sun has risen, hyung,” said Minho, “I had an idea and I couldn’t sleep so I’ve been working out what to do about it. Felix’s aquarium is connected to a wildlife magazine, right? And you’re an editor for a popular student run magazine. Could you get me in contact with that wildlife magazine?”

“Yes, I suppose,” said Chan, “how come?”

“Jisungie’s birthday is coming up,” said Minho, “and there’s nothing more in the world he would like than to be in Sydney. He’s spent his whole life making sure I was okay and staying by my side and I’m steady enough now that I have a bigger support system, with Jinnie and Binnie here I wouldn’t be alone and Jisungie’s done so much for me over the years I want to do something huge for him.” Chan frowned and ran his hand through his hair trying to tame the messy curls.

“I’m not sure I follow,” said Chan.

“The only thing Jisung wants in the entire world is to be in Australia and to be close to Lix-ah,” said Minho, “I’m going to pull that off for him but I have to talk to the wildlife magazine for that. They published some of his pictures while we were there and offered to do more and he turned them down.”

“I didn’t know that,” said Chan surprised. It made sense though. Jisung was a talented photographer and adored animals and wanted to help save animals and the eco system. Chan had wondered why Jisung didn’t work for a wildlife or a travel magazine, but he wasn’t surprised to realize it was because Jisung didn’t want to leave Minho alone. Chan was fairly certain that Jeongin had a similar reason for still living with Chan.

“Yeah,” said Minho, “so I need to be able to contact whoever is in charge of that. I already talked to my manager and I’m going to call her once I get it confirmed from the wildlife magazine. If it works out Jisung should be able to start the week after his birthday. If I can pull this off I’m going to get Hyunjin-ah and Changbin-ah to help me throw Jisung’s party a couple weeks early so he has time to get his life packed up and ready to move.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll call you back in five minutes with the right number to call,” said Chan, “I’ll get it sorted.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I really didn’t want to have to ask Felix because I wanted to surprise him. Don’t tell the kids?”

“My lips are sealed, Minho-yah,” said Chan not able to keep from smiling. “Let me call you back.” It didn’t take him long to get Minho the right number and then to hear later that evening that Minho had succeeded and Jisung would have a job in Sydney in a few weeks. And Chan realized that he had his own problem. He loved Minho. He loved getting texts from him in the morning. He loved hearing about the silly things he dreamt about. He loved knowing what coffee Minho was drinking on his way to work and what color his makeup artists wanted to use for his eyeshadow during a photoshoot. He loved hearing about the cat café Minho drug Hyunjin to once a week. He loved hearing about Hyunjin and Minho’s late night adventures to the convenience store when they couldn’t sleep. He loved hearing about Changbin teaching Minho how to play video games or how to properly wing eyeliner. He loved hearing about Minho’s rambling ideas for what to add to his apartment next. He loved hearing about the stupid things he and Jisung got up to. And he missed Minho more than anything. He ached to have Minho next to him again. He would give anything for his peaceful mornings surfing and watching the sunrise to be interrupted by Minho’s melodic laughter, stupid jokes, and too philosophical life questions for the dawn. He missed the way the blues of the ocean played up Minho’s legs as he sat on his surfboard with his face turned to the sun, pinks and oranges splattering across the sky and reflecting in Minho’s smile. He shoved his phone in his pocket and walked up the stairs quietly, feeling a little like he was floating. Jeongin was propped up against their counter sleepily watching the coffee brew and looked up at him when he walked in.

“Morning, hyung. You look like you saw a ghost,” said Jeongin rubbing his left eye sleepily.

“I love him,” stated Chan. Jeongin blinked confusedly at him looking groggy but more aware at Chan’s words.

“That’s nice, hyung,” he said, “who do you love?”

“Minho, I love Minho,” said Chan. This woke Jeongin up and he jerked completely upright and stared at Chan.

“Wait what? You love Minho-hyung? Like for real?” Chan nodded.

“I love him,” said Chan nodding, “I’m sure of it. Why’d it have to be Minho? His whole life’s in Seoul.”

“Oh my god,” said Jeongin, “I mean I know the distance sucks. But oh my god, hyung. This is huge! You love him? Like actually love him? Like want to date him?” Chan nodded.

“I’m calling Seungminnie!” yelled Jeongin running for his phone. He pressed Seungmin’s contact quickly and then latched onto Chan’s back hugging him tightly.

“This is so awesome! Seungminnie-hyung! Channie-hyung’s in love!” Seungmin’s response sounded garbled and confused and Jeongin repeated himself and then there was yelling on the other line and Chan couldn’t help but laugh at how excited and chaotic his little realization had become for his brothers. His family was a disaster and loud and crazy and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jisung’s arrival in Sydney had been unexpected and loud and resulted in a lot of yelling and Chan had called Minho the minute Jackson dropped Jisung off at his house to surprise Felix as a birthday present and chewed him out for enlisting Jackson instead of Chan and then proceeded to tell him that was the sweetest thing that anyone had possibly ever done and Chan wished he’d been able to pull off a gift that incredible. Minho had laughed and Chan smiled, Minho’s laugh had the same effect that sitting out on the open ocean did. It was calming and made Chan feel at peace and like the world was at rights again. A month later Hyunjin and Changbin joined their group, meeting them for the first time had been surprisingly easy. They’d clicked immediately and the boys loved them. Hyunjin and Changbin had bought a beach house a few houses down from Chan’s and had asked to be taught to surf and ended up spending quite a few weekends with them in Sydney. Minho’s jobs internationally picked up so he was traveling a lot more and Hyunjin and Changbin were spending more and more time in Sydney. At one point near Christmas Hyunjin convinced Minho to start a YouTube channel for dance videos and Chan was convinced it was the best present in the world. Minho dancing was ethereal and pure art and Chan adored it. It was just as awesome as getting to spend an entire day surfing or that feeling Chan got when he finished a really good track that he’d worked really hard on. He could watch Minho dance for the rest of his life and die a happy man. Jisung and Felix were happy and Chan’s house was full of noise and laughter with both Jeongin and Jisung living with him. Jisung had overtaken the loft and the three of them had put in a mattress in the corner for him. The walls were overtaken with Jisung’s photography, a chaotic kaleidoscope of animals, places, the ocean, Felix, and the rest of them in various places laughing and having fun. Chan had another key for SKZ surf made and gave it to Jisung to add to his keyring along with one for the house. Jisung and Felix had taken up surfing right before sunset so they could watch the sunset together out on the water so Jisung’s board got added to the pile that always sat against the wall on the porch so they would dry, though with the frequency of use they were rarely dry. Jisung’s ID for the magazine and his camera got added to the entry table so he could always grab them on the way out and little things that Jisung had brought with him from Korea made the house his home as well. Chan loved having the house full and loved the mess and the personality that each person added to it. It was a reminder that the house was theirs and that what existed in the past didn’t exist here now. As much as their happiness was contagious and as much as Chan was thrilled that they were all so happy it left a sharp ache in his chest every time the three couples were together even if it was just cute and domestic, because Chan was acutely reminded that he didn’t have that and wouldn’t unless he moved to Seoul. Moving to Seoul wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t have his beach or his surf shack, he would have to leave the rest of them behind, he would have to completely relocate his production business and his education and he would have to leave Jisung and Jeongin without a house in order to sell his beach house and buy one in Seoul. Moving to Seoul wasn’t plausible there was no way to pull it off. Chan had spent many days trying to work out how he possibly could, the days he missed Minho the most, the ones where the others were all off and on dates or being extra cute, but realistically it wasn’t possible and Chan wasn’t willing to entertain the possibility of Minho still being interested in him by the time Chan would be able to move to Seoul. He would have to learn to live with what he could get and move on. But Chan wasn’t willing to not have Minho in his life and reached for every thread of friendship that Minho offered and Chan finally understood why Felix had pulled so hard for Jisung to come to Sydney and why he’d learned Korean and had been trying to figure out how to get there to visit after Jisung and Minho had left for home. Chan understood why he’d done all of it so excitedly knowing it would hurt when they left. Because it was better than nothing at all.

Before long a year had come and gone and Hyunjin and Changbin had been talking about completely moving to Sydney and only visiting Seoul every few weeks as opposed to living in Seoul and visiting Sydney. BamBam had asked what they were doing for the sacrifice this year and Chan had looked at him and asked if it was time for that already. Which meant his friend had laughed and told Chan that his friends were doing the sacrifice with the Bulletproof Tattoos and Piercings boys. Chan had shrugged and told him he’d see if Kai and his friends wanted to do the sacrifice with them this year. Kai had been excited about it and called his friends, Beomgyu’s cousin had flown in for it this year too, but Jisung had been despondent a few days later when Minho had called and told him that he wouldn’t make it this year because he had a job in New York and wouldn’t make it to Sydney until the week after. Chan couldn’t help but feel the disappointment settle in his bones. It had been a year since he’d seen Minho and he knew that not seeing Minho since September had been rough for Jisung. Hyunjin and Changbin had taken it surprisingly well, but that made sense since the two of them saw him pretty frequently as they flew back and forth between the two places quite a bit.

The day of the sacrifice had started out the way all of Chan’s days started anymore. He had woken up before the dawn and got ready to go surf, sneaking out of the house so as not to wake the other two. The breeze was chilly this morning and whipped around Chan’s arms, biting at the flesh as he pulled his board out to the sea, reminding him that even though Chan was in control of where he went and when, he was at the ocean’s mercy out here. He paddled out far and waited with his hands in the water, watching as the sun rose above him. The sunrise was beautiful and Chan wished that Minho had been able to be here with him to watch it. He might be in New York watching the sunset over there. Chan would ask when he texted him once he went back to shore. He turned away from the dawn after a few minutes and used the light to catch a couple of waves as the morning warmed with the sun. After several times of surfing the morning had warmed considerably and Chan was content to sit in the peace and watch the ocean crash to shore. A figure on the shore carrying a board waved at him and Chan waved back. The neighbors around here were all friendly and chances were high that Chan knew the person waving at him and if he didn’t he wasn’t about to not wave back. The person on shore started out towards him and Chan shifted to look out at sea, turning his face to the sun, letting it warm his cheeks. He could hear as the person pulled to a stop a few feet away from him in the water. There was no immediate greeting as they drew near so Chan figured it was one of the neighbors who didn’t know him beyond a cheerful wave in passing.

“Morning, hyungie,” greeted the person and Chan’s eyes snapped open. He knew that voice. What was it doing here? Had Chan hallucinated because he wished so badly that Minho had been able to make it. He turned to look at him quickly and there sat Minho. Beautiful, ethereal Minho, who looked like art on his surf board with his hair wet and the sun on his skin. Perfect Minho who was going to kill Chan if he kept up this thing he had for surprises. Minho smiled at him and the world was put to rights and Chan yelled without realizing it and scrambled to get to Minho to hug him, balancing both of them on Minho’s board, his own tugging at his ankle as it floated without him. Minho laughed in his arms as Chan yelled in his ear and Chan would do anything to make Minho laugh again.

“Minho-yah! What are you doing here? You said you had a job! Oh my god! I can’t believe you’re here! Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have picked you up at the airport! Oh my god, Min-ah, you’re going to give me heart failure with your penchant for surprises! Who picked you up? Was it Jackson? I’m going to kick his ass for not telling me again.” Stupid Jackson and his lack of loyalty. Chan had known him longer he was supposed to keep him in the loop!

“I missed you so much! How long are you here for? Just tonight? You do have a job, right?” Chan couldn’t bear to think of Minho leaving again but he wasn’t about to entertain the idea of him staying forever, couldn’t allow himself to. He needed to know when he would have to say goodbye. Minho just nodded as he spoke.

“I mean, yes I’ve got a job. But it’s actually here not in New York. I missed you too.” Chan hugged him again muttering about how he couldn’t believe he was here before pulling back to look at him again. Minho looked happy, his eyes weren’t sad anymore and he smiled and laughed easy. His hair was a lighter brown than his natural color and looked good on him. He looked like he belonged here on the ocean next to Chan. Damn, Chan really loved him and he wasn’t entirely sure how he’d fallen so hard for the other boy without noticing.

“It was time to come home,” said Minho and Chan didn’t quite register the words, not sure he was really hearing them.

“I’m not leaving.” That Chan was positive he’d made up, it didn’t make any sense.

“What?”

“I’m not leaving.” Minho pointed to the shoreline at a house a few down from Chan’s and Jeongin’s and Jisung’s.

“That’s mine. I bought it. I sold my apartment. I’m modelling out of Sydney now and I’m enrolled in classes at Sydney University in the fall.” Chan screamed incoherently at this news, the excitement bubbling out of him as he tried to articulate what he was feeling with words and they failed him. They always failed him when he needed them the most, scattering like leaves in the wind. So, Chan settled for hugging Minho as tightly as he could and trying not to cry. He wiped his hands across his face when he pulled back. And the most beautiful boy in the world told him not to cry and wiped his tears away, cradling his face, which did absolutely nothing to help Chan stop crying.

“Sorry. Sorry,” said Chan apologies falling off his lips though he wasn’t sure why. “I’m just really happy. So happy, Minho-yah. All my people are finally in one place. You have no idea how happy I am about this, Minho-yah. I can’t believe you moved your entire life to Sydney.” Minho was smiling at him as he shook his head.

“I didn’t really. My life was already in Sydney. Actually, Jinnie said my life was in Seoul but it wasn’t that hard to move it. But my heart was in Sydney where else would I be?” That sounded like a love confession, the kind of sweet and romantic love confession Chan wished he was capable of in more than just his music. Chan was so proud of how far Minho had come in a year, how much he’d changed to chase his own happiness.

“A year ago you wouldn’t have ever done anything for yourself,” he said hoping Minho understood what he meant.

“A year ago I was a mess who had just been broken by a relationship and had just changed managers to one that didn’t want to control every aspect of my life. A year ago I hadn’t met Felix and Seungmin who let a perfect stranger into their home and their lives without question. I hadn’t met Jeongin who cheerfully accepted having yet another hyung to add to his life. A year ago I hadn’t met you.” Chan was so proud of his friends, his brothers, knowing that they were so full of love that they’d loved Minho without question and had helped him find his place the way they had for Chan and the way Chan had fought with everything in him to be able to do for them as well. But Minho wasn’t done and was still going and Chan couldn’t stop to think about his family as he tried to keep up with Minho’s words.

“A year ago I hadn’t met you. You’re everything I couldn’t be. Everything I’d never be able to find in anyone else. You gave me my life back, Channie, and you didn’t ask for anything. I’d give you the world if I could. But I can’t. I can give you my heart though if you’ll take it.” And that was definitely a love confession. Chan knew he was gaping, that he was staring and that he needed to say something. This was everything he could have ever asked for and everything he hadn’t let himself dare to dream of having. But his stupid mouth wouldn’t work, wouldn’t make so much as a sound and then Minho was shaking his head and talking again and Chan had to make the words go. He had to. He wasn’t going to mess this up.

“I’m not as good at words as you are, hyung, but you mean the world to me and I’ve never liked anyone half as much as I like you. I’m pretty sure you’re it for me but if I’m not it for you I’ll make sure that I do everything I can to help you find the person that is. Because I love you and I don’t want you to ever be unhappy if I can help it.” Chan had to stop him before this got farther and reached for Minho’s face to try and buy himself enough time to make his voice work again, tears slipped down his face and Chan realized he was crying again.

“Stop right now, that was perfect.” Nothing else would form so Chan decided if he couldn’t tell him he would show him and pressed a gentle kiss to Minho’s lips, careful so Minho could back out quickly if he wanted to. Minho tasted like salt water, fruity chapstick, and caramel coffee.

“You’re it for me too. I can’t believe you’re here. How are you real, Lee Minho? You’re perfect.” Minho laughed and Chan drank it in, feeling a little drunk on the sound of him and the feel of his lips on Chan’s as Minho kissed him again. He pulled back just enough to talk.

“We really get to keep you this time?”

“Yes. I’m here to stay.” Chan dropped his forehead onto Minho’s shoulder, arms still around him, enjoying the feeling of getting to hold him. Minho’s hands were on his back and his nose was buried in Chan’s curls and the waves rocked them gently and the world was perfect and Chan wanted to remember this exactly as it happened for the rest of his life. Then he realized that the rest of the world still existed.

“Do the others know? I mean, Innie doesn’t because he can’t keep a secret from me to save his life. But everyone else? They know, yeah?” Minho laughed again and Chan couldn’t help the giddy feeling at knowing he got to hear that for the rest of his life.

“Jinnie and Binnie know since they helped me buy my house and picked me up from the airport this morning but no one else has any idea.” Which meant it wasn’t Jackson this time and Jackson got to live another day.

“Actually, not to pull you away from your morning with the ocean but they’re probably waiting for us at your house to see how it went.” Chan couldn’t help the laugh at this and pulled back to get back to his own board. He’d cut short his morning surf time every day if it meant getting to spend that extra time with Minho.

“Let’s go greet them then,” he said. It was heaven knowing that Minho was at his side as they paddled back to shore and the minute they were both out of the water Chan offered his hand to Minho who smiled like Chan had just told him he’d won an Olympic Gold and threaded his fingers through Chan’s. Hyunjin and Changbin were on their porch next door to Chan’s house, side by side watching the beach clearly waiting for them and they broke into chaotic yelling when they realized the two of them were holding hands and Chan laughed feeling his ears get warm, but he wouldn’t change a thing.

The bonfire that night was a chaotic affair and BamBam had yelled and hugged them both when they showed up to get their board hand in hand. Their own brothers were loud and excited and greeted them both enthusiastically and Chan would bask in the memory of this night for the rest of his life, a night when everything was perfect. He couldn’t remember what he said that night at the bonfire before starting the fire because Minho’s hand was in his and Minho was smiling at him, and the circle of the most important people in his life was whole and that was all that mattered in the world. And as the fire danced up the wooden surfboard and Minho leaned into Chan’s side, in the brief moments before the headlights from the cars came on, the firelight danced across Minho’s skin in a beautiful twirling pattern that was almost hypnotic. Minho in firelight, barefoot on the beach, with windblown hair and bright eyes, face screwed up in laughter was the kind of art that should hang in every museum. It was the kind of music that Chan wished to make every time he poured his soul into a song. It was paradise and heaven and perfect. Minho in firelight was art, Minho in the headlights was art, but absolutely nothing compared to Minho’s hand in his as they ran towards the ocean, the water hitting their feet together and Minho not letting go until the last second, releasing Chan to the ocean, knowing that the sea would catch him as it always had. Minho on the water with the rest of their family was everything Chan had ever dreamed of. This was where Chan belonged. Surrounded by his friends and family with Minho at his side, a surfboard beneath him, and the ocean keeping everything he held dear in the world floating safely above her depths. Chan couldn’t wait for the rest of his life, knowing that it would be full of Minho’s smile, Minho’s laughter, Minho’s hand to hold, Minho with the dawn painted across his face, and Minho paddling out to sea at his side. It had been a long road but Chan was in love and life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there might be a one-shot in the future that's just minho and chan being domestic i have like a vague idea for it so that might happen
> 
> there will be more set in this universe, there will definitely be more about jisung and felix and there might be one with hyunjin and changbin
> 
> thank you for reading!  
> come yell at me on tumblr if you want :)  
> https://maelstromdeparture.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> the next part of this may or may not get put up today or tomorrow
> 
> summer classes just started and i really should sleep so we'll see 
> 
> but barring unpredictable events the next chapter should be up by the end of the week at least because it's like half done already   
> as for the TXT fic i'm not sure when i'll finish the next chapter for that one, just at some point in the near future
> 
> thanks for reading!!!


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